It's getting back into the swing of things for a lot of our Journey interns. By now, school or work is in full swing and it can be daunting to look at life post-Journey. We are grateful for the transparent testimonies our interns give us as they go home, because it gives us the opportunity to continue to encourage and pray with them in this season of transition. We're happy to share one of those with you today.
I'm back in Nashville and I don't know what's going on. Not that I ever really knew what was going on before I left for Journey. But now, I especially don't know.
Nashville is mostly the same. The buildings seem to have not switched places while I wasn't looking. My favorite tree on campus with the one awkward branch and the big leaves didn't pack up its trunk and move away. I'm sitting in my favorite chair at my favorite table in my favorite coffee shop and the story is the exact same as it has always been.
But somehow it's not. Somehow I'm not.
I can't quite put my finger on it. Which is a good thing, because if I could put my finger on it, Lord knows I would squish it. I just know that in Africa, Jesus met me in a real way. He didn't have to do much at all. My mind was clear and my heart was focused. My soul was thirsty and my arms were open.
In my pretty life that I have created in America, Jesus has to do a little bit of an extensive obstacle course to get to me. He has to climb out from under textbooks and papers and yank at my feet while they're curled in bed. He has to jump up and down and wave frantically from the lines in my planner as I scratch over Him with the ink of a crammed schedule. The moments I have with him are sweet, but short. He reaches out for me, never quite finished with what He was trying to tell me, but the phone buzzed and the alarm rang out and the ride pulled up in front of the house. So I go.
But the Lord calls us to be still, right?
How do I be still in a world that is spinning and running and downloading and clicking and cramming and twirling? This is not the slow and easy African pace that I gladly adopted this summer. But, just last night my super wise and faithful religion major of a roommate let me in on a little something. In Psalm 46:10 when the Lord says, "Be still and know that I am God." the hebrew translation of 'be still' is rapha which is translated, "to let go of."
"Let go and know that I am God."
A quiet nag on my heart won't leave me alone, prodding,"Kate, what do you need to let go of to know that I am God? I think you've forgotten some key things and I want you back in the loop. But. I'm going to need you to let go of a few things first - your hands are full."
I'm back home. But I think I have picked up a lot of things like that didn't fit in my bag to take to Africa. Like insecurity. And pride. Comparison and the fear of missing out. God is a really great Father, and He let me leave those things behind when I left for Journey. He piled them on the cross before I ever saw African soil. But slowly I feel myself picking them back up, one by one. Peeling them off the cross when I think the Lord isn't looking, and covering them up with a busy schedule.
I haven't quite figured out how to fit the Kate that the Lord refined this summer into the life that I have always had here. But, maybe I'm not supposed to fit in the same way anymore?
Being back is hard because I am weak and the pull to friends and Netflix and the life I have always known is strong. But I am forever grateful that the pull to the Father is the kind of pull that doesn't let you go. One of my fellow interns, Jordan, taught me on Journey that I'm a slave to righteousness, not a slave to this world, not a slave to my own desires, and definitely not a slave to Netflix.
I'm a slave to being still, to letting go of the many things that don't push me towards holiness, and trusting that even though I don't know what the heck is going on in my head or in my heart, God has known since before He even created light. He'll let me into the puzzle once I start letting the sun set over the parts of my life that were of yesterday and waking up to the new things He is doing.
I have a feeling it's something big.
- Kate McMordie, a 2014 Journey intern